- I'm only sleeping a few hours a day
- I work 8 hrs a day with a 1 hr. commute round-trip
- Yea, I know that's noting really to complain about...some people have an hour both ways.
- I take care of my Mom in the evening and on weekends
- I'm trying really, really hard to be a good daughter
- I'm trying really, really hard to keep my head above water, barely moving fast enough to tread
- Anger still creeps up on me and puts me through a spin cycle or two
- I'm constantly running the list of things I need to do rather than watch TV in my head
- I listen to a baby monitor all night breath and humidifiers click in case my Mom might need me
- My job, thought without challenge is mind numbingly boring
- Play fetch for my Mom
- Take care of my parrot
- Try to keep a social life for myself
- Keeping up the daunting struggle to pry myself out of my shell
- Writing blogs and not working on my book(s)
- Trying to keep some semblance of personal upkeep....it's always the last thing for me to do, and it never gets done....so I rake myself over the thistles to make myself feel like if I didn't do it at least I've paid for it.
- Being my Mom's emotional dumping ground EVERY DAY
- Trying to get through Physical Therapy to move my neck properly again.
- Friends
- Okay, I'll admit friends are a good reason to not sleep, especially when they have opera tickets.
- The frenetic lifestyles of my sisters
- The guilt and self-doubt I've carried around since grade school
- Working on this, but working on this is emotionally exhausting too
- Trying to swing the money to go on my nephews wedding Cruise next June
Here's the thing: It is now 7:38am on a Saturday no less and I'm up, I almost want to get up and get my other things done but I'm really digging the silence and enjoying the darkness of my room. (Dark room = clean room) I know if I stay in bed I'll eventually go back to sleep, which is fine. As I mentioned before, it's SATURDAY, you're supposed to sleep in on Saturday...unless you're a parent that has a child in some sort of sports program, or my sister who is probably on her fourth hour on her treadmill right now training for a 1/2 marathon. The thing though, is that I know that little bit of stolen sleep won't make up for the days of lack of sleep from the weeks before. I think at this point I'm hoping for a psychotic break for a vacation destination. Think about it:
- You're own space to sleep in with a locked door
- Room service for all meals
- A comfy jacket that lets you hug yourself for hours
- Meds that take you on side trips without leaving the comfort of bed
- Being away from your daily grind.
Okay, taking a nap now. Maybe I'll get up-up in an hour or so.......who knows where exhaustion will lead me today. I've accepted my fate...I will be tired, oh so tired, until I'm not either by natural or pharmaceutical means. But some day I know, Ill feel rested, or so rested.
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