Age Classifications

After many years of human observation, I have concluded that there are new classifications for age beyond the numbers.


Ages 10-20 (More actually 16-20) - Hip
Ages 21-30 - Cool
Ages 31-40 - Retro
Ages 41-50 - Vintage
Ages 51-60 - Antique
Ages 61+ - Relic.

Someone who is hip is on the bleeding edge of now. Not only do they converse in their own improvised language, their sense of style is uniquely theirs. Even if they copy their style from someone else, it will be another cool hipster in their age group.

Cool is just that. You've claimed a stake in a transitory world. You sit back and enjoy the Retro's eyeing you with envy and the Hipsters consider you traders to the ethos you once clung to.

Retro is more of a reactionary age. You have the pressure of being an "adult" (whatever your definition is for that term), you are stifled in your job and you are continually looking back to your Hip and/or Cool days longing for those expansive moments in the sun where they one monthly payments you really had to worry about were your car, rent and your CD club membership.

By the time you reach your Vintage years, you are more secure with yourself. You have a handle on where you are and more importantly, where you want to be in the coming years. You have fully blossomed into a rich bodied soul that you could never have fathomed in your Hipster or Cooler years.

Antique doesn't mean broken down or unusable. At least not in the general sense. You might get pushed out of younger crowds because of your penchant for imparting your wisdom on unwilling ears, hearts and minds. Like most antiques, you aren't really used for that much any more, at least not until you are found by the right collector and then you find yourself truly being appreciated

Relic is a time where people seek you out to hear your wisdom because you have proven to them that you can still be cooly hip with the retro lingo and the vintage glow. You have come full circle and you can see from your vantage point that what effects the hipsters, the cool ones, the retros, vintage and antiques is the same, just the names have changed.