Tinman can be quoted as saying "Now I know I've got a heart --- 'cuse it's breaking" It hurts, getting your heart broken. Whether it is your emotional heart, your intellectual heart or your social heart, all need to crack the crusty shell, shatter it's once held beliefs and sentiments in order to grow. Luckily for us and Tinman, our hearts are like a Timex watch: Takes a Licking and Keeps on Ticking.
This isn't some dumb-ass war cry to go out and break every heart you can get your hands on, it's not nice to be the breaker and even less fun to be the breakee. I'm saying be open to the breaking, so you can grow. So often I've walked around town, driven through blighted areas in the urban areas and hold my breath until I'm back in 'safe' surroundings. I try not to see the disheveled people leaning in doorways to keep warm and dry. "It's their choice", is one of my favorite emotional barricades to hide behind, which is right next to the second favorite of "It's the City's job to take care of them." That's not to say I don't help out when I can. I put coinage and sometimes even cashy money into poor boxes when asked, I'll buy a meal for a someone who says their hungry, you know, doing my part. Not that I need a pat on the back from anyone for doing that, I'm quite adept at patting my own back, thank you very much. But it's not enough any more.
One of my favorite made-up words is ectopherisis (ekto-fer ee sis), it's a combination word of ectoplasm (If you're a Ghostbusters fan you know that word) and Pheresis which is the process of separating out the different components of the blood in order to harvest white blood cells and plasma. Together it is the process in which our spiritual selves shed our ephemeral skin, like a snake, in order for us to grow spiritually and emotionally to the next level. Just like a snake it normally requires you to bang your head on a sharp rock, or for the sake of this blog, get your heart broken to get things started. When our hearts are frozen from the banality of every day life we turn a blind eye to the suffering of our own and of the world around us. If you are suffering you look at your fellow sojourner and proclaim to yourself that your suffering is far more painful to theirs. That egoism is a trap, it's the mortar that helps seal your heart behind the excuses for not taking a step to fix the problems in the world. To be perfectly honest, it's a very comfortable place to be most of the time. But then it happens. Something, someone, somehow you are exposed to something truly touching or thought provoking or personally painful and your heart is shattered. Then what do you do? You're in pieces....
I say revel in it. Don't try to pull the pieces back together because you will never be the same person you will be before it broke. And, honestly, do you really want to be that person ever again? Some people do, some people abhor change (and seriously, I'm one of them), but you need it to grow. If you don't turn the soil, add fresh compost and new seeds you will never reap the harvest of a well rounded soul. We only have this life to live, shouldn't we live it mindful of ourselves and mindful of the pain around us?
The impetus that brought on this blog was watching Dianne Sawyer on 20/20 showing us the Hidden America: Children of the Plains. I realized my simple "They choose to live like that" or "The Government should fix it, that's why we pay taxes," doesn't cover the horrific lives the Lakota Sioux Indians are living at Pine Ridge, SD. Though I'm not faring much better financially, I'm determined to get a box of school supplies together, even if I have to raid my own personal stock-pile of office supplies and send it to them. I hope, as my employment betters, or if my book is published, I will be in a better position to help more. My heart broke when I saw the drawing of a little girl showing herself hanging and both of her wrists slashed with puddles of blood on the floor. This was a doodle, it wasn't a psyche evaluation. It was heart-wrenching. Not just because she is too young to have those thoughts but because I know what it's like to have those thoughts. The tribe helped her in many ways, one was to give her an Indian name, something like, She Who Stands During Storms. It gave her strength, and seeing her improve over the course of the hour gave me strength. And so my heart ticks anew.....
Remember, Tinman always had a heart, he was just frozen for so long that it took the loss of his friend to hear it ticking again.
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