26 August 2014

I Wonder If God Has Wi-Fi....

Obviously not a Meru School
I'm reading a book about prayer, about deepening my Spiritual practice.  It's something I've gotten away from, and to be honest my mind goes blank when my knees touch the carpet.  Coming from someone that is a returned missionary, that's pretty scandalis.  I find myself repeating the same plea, or asking the same things night after night like some unwritten rote prayer.  I sound mindless, witless and useless.  When I'm done I get into bed and remember everything that I meant to tell Him, then lie down and give him the checklist before I fall asleep or turn on the TV.  I know He 'knows' but we're still supposed to tell Him our problems, to ask Him for the solutions, to thank Him when things go the way He said they would.  You know, the basic manners your mother strove to teach you.

The thing is I'm much better at writing my thoughts than I am thinking and/or saying my thoughts.  I've thought about writing a list of things that I need to say/do in my prayers.  Then as I was forming this in my head, and as a contractor for a networking company, it makes me wonder if Heavenly Father has Wi-Fi?  Can I send him an e-mail and He can reply.  I know, I know, if we could start a written dialog with God, it would negate the need for faith....yadda, yadda, yadda...but think about it.  We could have a direct link to Heavenly Father via our Smart Phones, our computers, our tablets....anywhere there is a wi fi signal we can reach out to Him and Him back to us.  Hopefully He wouldn't be susceptible to carpal tunnel because typing with those restrictive braces on is a real pain.

That is my problem, I know.  I'm thinking of God as this orbiting satellite that is there waiting for me to pick up the phone and call him like some long forgotten grandfather.  It's not a uplink and downlink kind of arrangement.  Thich Nhat Hanh write, quoting Larry Dossey, an American Doctor:

"...our collective consciousness in not like telecommunications satellite.  We don't need to send prayers anywhere because God is omnipresent.  There is no need to convert God into some divine telecommunications satellite in the sky.  Prayer is unlimited by space or time. - Dossey
"What Dossey calls the omnipresent God, Buddhism calls the collective consciousness or the "one mind".  This is the store consciousness in which Buddha and we are one."
 On a pure intellectual level, I know this.  I've read that God is all knowing, all seeing, and all encompassing.  But have I put my faith in that?  Or have I built Him up as this rarefied deity that talking to Him is supposed to be this honor, this sacrament that, as always, I feel unworthy?  God, or Heavanly Father as I refer to him as, is just that. He is a father, my father. Though He is an exhalted being He is the Father of my soul, I should feel comfortable just talking to him. I did that not too long ago and I think I scared myself with how powerful the experience was. Like a hermit living in a cave coming out on the first bright day hurts ones eyes and every movement flutters the heart.

I know I'm a strung a little to tightly right now. I'm hoping rote chanting will help me focus my mind a little better.  Just because I can't doesn't mean I shouldn't try and continue to try until I find my father's hand once again and we can walk side by side together.

12 August 2014

Good By Mr. Williams

I wanted to express my deep sadness at the passing of Robin Williams.  It saddens me that a man who brought so much joy and happiness to so many people was suffering so deeply inside.  I know the angels in heaven are falling off their clouds with laughter, but it doesn't soften the tears on earth.  You will be missed.

He was the best wish granter EVER!!!

14 July 2014

50 Is As 50 Does.....

My advice to the younger generation....

Time flies like the witches monkeys!  
Carry an umbrella.


So, I've hit a mile-stone....one decade closer to the tomb stone.  Only now, I'm going to be kicking and scratching and fighting every step of the way.  50 for me, is the new 20, but better because I know now what I didn't know then.

03 June 2014

Is Hypochondria Hypochondria If You Really Know Your're Not Sick?


Okay, so I got several mosquito bites about a week ago and now I feel crappy, so of course I have West Nile.  Do I need a doctor to tell me this, of course not.  WebMD has walked me through the symptoms, I've checked my glands thanks to the electronic copy of Bartlebys online reference books, my neck hurts, I feel weak and even though I feel like I have a fever, I really don't because I'm on Advil three times a day for my wrists and neck to stop hurting.  Of course it's going to spread to meningitis, encephalitis and eventually massive brain damage because of this new plague that has started to sweep the world.  Maybe this is where zombies come from.....Watch enough of The Walking Dead episodes and you begin to believe it can happen here....and it could be spread by mosquitoes and ticks and all the other little creepy crawlers that wait until we are sound asleep to infect us with the equivalent to a toxic viral stew. 

Okay, on some level, I know I'm not sick.  At least I hope I'm not.  I'm just tired and the idea that I would have to stay in bed for a few days and just sit still in the silence and shaded light sounds like heaven.  No offence to those suffering from West Nile, reading about it today makes it sounds almost unbearable (for those that survive) and it takes quite a long time to get over and I wouldn't wish that on myself or anyone else, but the silence...the bed rest....the darkness....to me in my wound-up state sounds like a slice of heaven.

So, was I bit by blood-sucking vermin, yes at least six times.  Was it one carrying the West Nile Virus? Who knows.  The only thing I do know is that if I don't start perking up I'm going to see my doctor to make sure I don't and maybe talk her into a B-12 shot.  I joke, but no one wants their spinal cord or brain to swell up and become irritated.....that would be like having an itch on your brain that no matter how far you push in the knitting needle, you can't scratch it.

Okay, I'm done whining now.  I just needed to get this down and out so I could sleep without visions of hospital food dancing in my head.

07 May 2014

But He's Twelve......?

Patrick working at Le Garage in Baltimore, MD
There is something wrong with the way I see my nieces and nephews.  I look at them and they're twelve.  I mean it.  This is Patrick working as a bar manager at Le Garage in Baltimore MD.  I know, he doesn't look twelve, he's actually more than twice that.  But I see the curly haired, blue-eyed boy that had green hair to celebrate getting his black belt.  Not the adult man concocting his own cocktails and providing the unholy spirits to their customers.  However, he did mix something up with me in mind.  It's called Temperance.  He told me what's in it, and it sounds interesting.  When I get enough money together (and the weather isn't too extreme I'm gonna go and try it, or make him fix it for me the next time he's in town.)

Maybe I miss them, the kids they used to be.  One nephew, though has grow to over 6'5", hasn't really changed much still the quick wit and smarty-pants he always was, only now he supervises other technical people.  I look at him and think, "Why are they minding him?  He's twelve?"  His brother has a daughter who is only 5 and she's absolutely adorable and beautiful.  He works at a hospital as a Sr. Tech in the endoscopy department.   Now my niece has a baby boy who will be turning 1 next month while working full time in a Fortune 200 company.  Her brother is working as an audio/visual expert for a large retailer.  They are all accomplished, some even more than myself, and yet, I see them as twelve.

Luckily have have a new crop of kids to spoil and get stuck like amber in my brain as twelve year olds.  Since those kids are having kids, and a nephew that I didn't get to participate in his life until he was old enough to get married are having kids, I get to be Granty (Great Aunty).  I get to spoil them, let them watch all the cool nerdy stuff, hype them up on sugar and caffeine and send them home.  Exactly what a great aunt should do.

 I realize it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm reaching one of those undeniable, unavoidable milestones one has to face in ones life.  It could be that I only feel like I'm holding fine at 25 so they have to be 12 then I can hide safely from reality.  Well, when I say holding fine I mean that my brain is still very alert, my creativity is s flowing again, but the body....well, lets just say the body misses the naps she took in kindergarten.  I don't know why we EVER had to give those up.  So, in about 2 months I will be celebrating my Jubilee.  I just can't say the number aloud, yet.  Give me time, I should come to terms with it.  But honestly, I don't think they will ever be anything but 12 years old in my mind.

01 May 2014

Addicted to Addictions



Someone stop me before I go broke(er)!!!

I've known about eBay, I mean seriously, who hasn't heard about eBay?, for a while now.  I have a friend that works there and she does a great job finding tech deals which I check daily, but what really, truly draws me in are the BEADS.  I found this necklace to the left and instantly fell in love with it.  I won't pay the price for it, not when I can make it myself.  (it probably won't be this nice, but it will be me).  So, I set off looking for a labradorite pendant that flashes the blues and greens like this one does.  Labradorite can range from a dirty gray crystal with flecks of color to something this sumptuous and ethereal.  What I truly love about this stone is that it looks like a drop of water with a world frozen inside.  The wire is oxidized sterling silver, which I learned you can put shiny sterling silver in a bag with a hard boiled egg and it will oxidize it for you, they caution you not to eat the egg afterwards.  The smaller beads are 4 or 6mm faceted garnet.  The other findings I can make up as I go along, which is exactly me.

Here's the rub.  Do you know how many beads, pendants, crystals, necklaces and other doo-dads that are on eBay for a remarkable price?  I could die a happy little addict if I hadn't tallied up my costs of what I've paid for so far....$107!!!!  I could have bought the necklace for that price!  Now, don't get me wrong, most of the money is coming out of my allowance, which I can spend anyway I see fit, but still that's a lot of money for four or five labradorite pendants that I purchased and then found what I thought was the perfect one on a Buy-It-Now vendor.....and then I found the ultimate bead for my necklace, and it isn't labradorite at all....It's amethyst.  I don't think it shows well here, but if it has everything I see in it, it should suit me just fine, and amethyst has an innate power of, get this, self-control.  Boy do I need that.  I plan on putting the other pendants to use too, who know, I might inspire someone's addiction in the future with eBay being the dealer of all addictions. After all, a good addiction is a shared addiction.

If I just bought labradorite it would be one thing, but I bought more amethyst, ruby, emerald, ruby in fluorite, druzy, sea settlement jasper, jasper, and peridot and so much more....the only thing bad for the addict is the waiting for it to ship from all over the freaking world!  What addict has that kind of patience, I ask you?  I have to keep my ruler handy too, because it looks HUGE on the screen and it arrives in a flat parcel and you realize it would best fit Barbie and her skinny little friends. Grrrr.

(For those of you wondering why I've been so quiet it's because I've been so internally dead from a tsunami of emotions I was barely keeping my head above water to do my jobs.  My mom is still alive and just turned 85, my parrot is doing fine, and I am getting my creativity on.  I'm even writing again.  I'm stockpiling all these elements for when my mom goes on vacation with my sister in June and I can take over the kitchen table so I can luxuriate in the creative juices.  I'm hoping this won't be the end of the imagination train.)

07 August 2013

It's a Conspiracy!

First let me state, I'm not paranoid.  I don't believe the government is monitoring my calls, reading my e-mail and following me around.  Maybe you if you lead a less than honorable life, but not me.  (I'm not going into the constitutionality of it, that's a whole different rant).  I'm talking about my Smart phone and the weight equipment at my gym.  Yes, I said gym.  Those of you who know me well, know that is equivalent to a swear word to most of the civilized world.  I joined Total Woman Gym & Spa and I joined both, the gym and the spa (And I'm proud to say I've used the gym now more than the spa...just for the record).

They have this equipment there from a company called Peva through Precor that has an App.  Yes, I said app.  I'm turning Apple savvy.  Anyway, you scan the QR code on the machine it tells you based on your age, your weight and your work out history how much weight and how many reps and then you can do the set of reps as many time as you want.  So, I did leg presses.  It said 100# and 12 reps.  So I did 100# and 12 reps....twice.  I felt okay, pushed a little, the muscles weren't worse for the wear, but they were cranky at me......That was Saturday. 

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and today I have been in pain.  Not just oww-I-tore-too-many-fibers-in-my-long-muscles pain but my back feels like it's going to snap at the base and my left hip (which I broke a few decades ago when I was just a wee lass) feels like it's half out of the socket.  I touch the outside of it and it hurts.  So, I'm taking something called "Pain Away" which worked great yesterday but I'm on my second dose now.  I'm a big baby when it comes to hip pain, it brings back the memories of believing I'd never walk again without pain. 

So, how is this a conspiracy......Where to begin.....

- My 'Smartphone' is supposed to be smart, it shouldn't have let me do something so dumb.
- The weigh machine is out to get me because I think I weigh more than it and so it wants me to stay away.

If this keeps happening I'll have to just use the spa services.  Dang!  I hate conspiracies.

11 April 2013

My Latest Addiction.....

For those of you in the 'know' you recognize the house to the right.  Downton Abbey.  I thought I had sworn off my Soap Opera Addiction after my mission because, seriously, how many times can one person marry or come back from the dead with a different face?  Seriously, how bereft of imagination do they really think their viewers are?
Maybe it's the clothes, maybe it's the jewelry, maybe it's the utterly British stiff-upper-lip that allows the nose to rest so completely high in the air when it comes to the rest of us, I don't know.  I just know I can't get enough of it.  And strangely enough, they had one character come back from the dead, with amnesia, but so severely burned they couldn't be sure it was him.  So completely All My Children.   The utter blackness of the souls in the kitchen (Thomas and Mrs. O'Brien), the kindness and love between Anna and Mr. Bates, the absolute rightness of Mr. Carson are all such well fleshed out characters that I don't really see it as a show, but more as a window back to the days of Downton Abbey. 

What got me hooked was the first episode I watched when Lady Sybil gives birth and dies.  I couldn't get the people straight at that time, so I knew I had to start from the beginning because by that time Lady Mary was married to Matthew, Lady Edith was married to some other guy (but not the one armed old codger she was going to marry in the beginning of Season 3), Thomas was making passes at a poor footman that isn't on the show yet, and SYBIL DIES.  How can you kill off one of the family.  Maybe a beloved staff member but a member of the family......that's what hooked me.  No one was safe. 

Having that peak ahead I knew Lady Crawly wasn't going to die of Spanish Flu, I knew Lady Sybil would be running off with the chauffeur, and that Lady Mary and Matthew would get married and be happily married.  My mistake was yesterday when I thought I'd find out when Season 4 would be coming out, because, trust me, 8 episodes a year aren't nearly enough of a season for my rabid curiosity as to what's going to happen next......

If like me you're still working through Season 3, beware....

-SPOILER ALERT-

MATTHEW DIES!  There is some small talk about making the widower and widow coming to terms with their losses in each others arms, but then what about the babies?  Yes, Sybil has a girl and apparently Mary has a boy, are they going to become brother and sister instead of cousins?  And will Lady Mary inherit the estate or does it all go to her baby boy?

-SPOILER OVER-

I've been working at finding ways to take my mind off my current troubles (hence the reason of my silence...too much yeast not enough bowl, if you know what I mean), that I might set up a crafting station in my small garage and I'm going to start trying to reproduce the jewelry that they wear.  I'm sure there are hoards of people doing that, so it's hardly original, but it should be fun.  They wear a lot of black crystal and jet stones, I could probably throw in some black pearls, onyx and hematite too.  My current addition is soap making and bath and body products from natural products.  I've made some salt scrub that smell like heaven, if heaven was made of English Roses.  But the jewelry should provide a good long focus instead of just adding things willy-nilly like I do with the other stuff. 

If you know when Season 4 is going to be released, please let me know.  I want to make sure I'm home or my DVR is set to record.  I've been told I need to watch Sherlock Holmes as well, so I guess I can fill the blank space with that until BBC releases it.


07 February 2013

Kiss Kiss! Bang Bang! Buy Bye!

Let me state one thing I HATE GUNS.  I really don't see the need for them.  That said, I am aware that I am probably in the minority and I've accepted this.  Owning one or two guns for self defence and hunting for sustenance (not for wall trophies) I can comprehend.  When I was taught to use a gun my teacher said if I wasn't willing to empty to clip in the person going after me then owning a gun would be more dangerous for me than a protection.  That makes total sense to me, however, I don't believe I have it in me to kill anyone.  I guess no one knows if they are capable or not of something so taboo until they are actually put in the situation.  (I'm talking the average sane person here, not the wackjobs and gang members that seem to see it as a sport).
Gun violence today is becoming a common place thing mostly because people are all to willing to shoot off their gun when someone shoots off their mouth.  This being said, no one EVER needs to own a fully automatic death spitting military grade gun.  NO ONE.  I think they should be turned into the military when you are discharged, they get one back if they reenlist but they have no place on the streets of any country where they can be wielded by revenge seeking people with low self control and no thought beyond the tip of their gun as to the lives they are taking.

Though I hate guns I would never deny anyone their second amendment rights to own them.  As long as they are safe, kept in a gun vault or safe, out of the kids reach, and not taken out and showed to friends and family members how well 'protected' you are.  This doesn't include the survivalists that are stockpiling guns and ammo for protection from the very government that gives them the right to bare arms.  Yes, I'm talking about the militias out there that feel so impotent in their lives they have to invent conspiracies that the government is out to get them and they need to protect their family; from what, the government zombie Apocalypse?  NO ONE NEEDS THAT MANY GUNS, THAT MANY BULLETS AND THAT MANY GRENADES.  PERIOD!  Guns should be used for imminent danger not your own private war.  To add to that, no civilian needs armor piercing bullets.  It's only purpose is to kill cops, owning them should be considered attempted murder of a police officer and carried out to the fullest extent of the law.

I know the current administration is trying to get their heads around what needs to be done to curb the violence and keep the most vulnerable ones in our nation safe.  I don't think we will ever be able to do that unless we put those children in a prison like environment to keep them safe.  They haven't done anything wrong.  Children should be free to play and learn in a safe, open environment.  Otherwise, we're just raising them like veal, ripe for the slaughter on the streets or in prison because that's all they know. And it really doesn't matter how hard the current administration tries, the NRA has attached themselves like leaches to so many politicians that they will blockade any and every attempt that might limit the amount of guns a person can have, shoot, keep in the reach of children, whether you are crazy or sane, you have the right to own and operate a gun.

My solution?  I have to register my car, as it is a lethal weapon.  If you don't know this, you shouldn't be allowed to drive.  My registration fees goes toward (well supposed to go for) the upkeep on the roads and so forth.  Guns should be presented and registered EVERY YEAR.  It's not like we don't have the technology.  Everyone has to register with fingerprints, serial numbers, makes and models and the general ammo that you shoot with it.  Have the rifling patterns registered so when a gun is used in an illegal activity they know where the gun came from.  Every year, those guns need to be scanned and updated.  The sane honest people with guns shouldn't find this process as such a horrible experience as lets say the militia maniac who has hundreds of guns.  If someone is caught in the process of a crime, or on the street with a weapon that isn't registered the are to be arrested for attempted murder because the only reason to carry a gun on your person is to kill someone.  Now, if someone uses another persons gun and kills someone, not only is the shooter liable but also the registered owner, whether or not he knew that person has his gun.  Unless he can provide a police report showing it has been stolen, like a car, he will be liable and just as culpable as the shooter.  Hell, they can share a cell for all I care.

Fingerprinting can all be done electronically now, so people at gun shows can have a reader, or a person is read at the front of the show and an ID will come out with what they are able to buy.  If someone hasn't paid their registration they can't buy any more guns.  If someone has been reported as less than sane with violent idiations or fantasies, then that should send up a red flag and no one will sell to them. 

The problem with this idea?  Well, first, it will take money to set it up. The money earned from this effort would go to help the local police department, auditors that will go out and spot check and write tickets to people who haven't registered their gun, transferred the title or reported it stolen.  The biggest problem I feel will be getting the militia to play along, they don't like the government to know what they have, the definitely don't want them sniffing around their property.  If we are to draw our future from our past, many honest and hard working people will die because of one mans paranoia. 

When will the killing stop?  Will we as human beings ever stop seeing ourselves as disposable?

02 January 2013

New Years Resolutions

For those that know me I am something of a New Years Resolution fiend.  I have a theme, and how that theme will work in each facet of my life.  My theme this year is HEALTH.  And to be healthy I need to write.  So armed with that ubiquitous theme I am going to resolve to do at least two blogs a month.  I've been so self-absorbed the past year.  Literally self absorbed to the point that I've turned my insides out and I'm still trying to put things back where they belong.  Believe me,  it wasn't fun.  Maybe I'll share some of those lessons learned in the coming year, maybe I'll just share the bits and pieces that make a life worth the taxes we pay for it.  No matter what it is, please hold on, as in most of our lives, it's going to be a bumpy ride.