New Years Resolutions

For those that know me I am something of a New Years Resolution fiend.  I have a theme, and how that theme will work in each facet of my life.  My theme this year is HEALTH.  And to be healthy I need to write.  So armed with that ubiquitous theme I am going to resolve to do at least two blogs a month.  I've been so self-absorbed the past year.  Literally self absorbed to the point that I've turned my insides out and I'm still trying to put things back where they belong.  Believe me,  it wasn't fun.  Maybe I'll share some of those lessons learned in the coming year, maybe I'll just share the bits and pieces that make a life worth the taxes we pay for it.  No matter what it is, please hold on, as in most of our lives, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

P.O.T.s (Pockets Of Time)

I've come to the conclusion that I will never have a stretch of time that I can write now that I'm back in the salt mines with the rest of the working world.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining.....much.  I miss being able to spend my time working on intricate plot twists, figuring out unique and un-written ways to kill people.  There's not a lot of need for that mining for nuggets of revenue in a virtual gold mine.  Between Job 1, 2, and 3, there isn't any time left for work.  Well, there is time, but my mind is completely blaaahhhh when it comes to anything creative.  Well, except sarcasm, I'm always game for sarcasm.

On Saturday last I was running late to the dentist grumbling because I had planned to spend the whole day just me.  Maybe a movie, get a manicure, do tea, a nice dinner...you get the idea, but that got changed because of family plans.  So, to my surprise and welcome my dentist had an emergency and was running way later than I was.  So, I went across the street to the SBux and got a protein drink and banana and pulled out my editing.  It hit me like a lightning bolt.  I can't have days any more, or even set hours per se, but I can carve out pockets of time.  Time to write.  Time to plot and plan and work on the exact way to kill someone where no one needs to know. In my Franklin now (Yes, I went back to a paper planner) I am penciling blocks of POTs.  No one need know what they are, I can erase them out when plans change, and they always change.  I think it was L.W. Lynett who said "The most effective way to cope with change is to help create it."  Well, I'm creating POTs for change.  This means more posting, more journal writing, more just being who I am.  I am a WRITER, and writers WRITE.

Editing in Real Life

I've been editing my second book, a girl meets genealogy and stirs up some ghosts of her families past, it's a fun story and I enjoy re-running certain points in my head because they're entertaining, but editing.....I hate editing.  It points out that I wasn't good enough to get it right in the first draft.  Not that anyone really does, I know, but that is the goal that I strive for.  And true to form, I will find anything else to do other than editing, like, I dunno Blogging perhaps? hehe  As I was driving around town today, looking at antique shops for a cool cane for my Mom and a nice poison cabinet for when I start making poisons (whole other long story, they aren't for human use or animal use either, I've not found any Borgia in my blood-line...)  I was looking at editing from a whole-life perspective instead of just as a tiresome job to do after writing. 

How often do we find ourselves like bonsai trees, edited to an ascetically consumable standard.  We grow, push our roots out further and as soon as we start to show growth we clip ourselves back into shape, never allowed to really wiggle our roots in a loamy soil.  We bend and clamp ourselves into different positions until we can do nothing else.  Yes, we're beautiful, but are we happy?  Everyone is confined to their dishes, be it large or small, and though we see the trees in the wild and even envy them at times, but no one would trade their cozy, warm, manicured life for the opportunity to grow big and tall and then shot down by lightning or rotted out by mold. 

How much editing is needed though?  I mean seriously, how much should we keep and how much should we redact from our every day life to 'fit in' or to be loved?  I guess it comes down to what kind of bonsai you are.  If you are a palm, a ficus or maple tree and what ever other kind of bonsais there are out there.  I like the tree I picked for this piece, it shows the seasons, it changes every few months.  I'd like to believe that my personal editing makes way for new growth without out-growing my roots or pot I have to grow in this life.  Both humble and proud, showy and coy, stalwart and flaky in one big bottomed bowl. Yea, that's me!

Procrastination

It is said that Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.  In my case, it feel like trying to keep up with last week.  Especially when it comes to something that I want desperately but don't want my toes stepped on or my heart crushed again.  I'm talking about submitting my manuscript to WiDo.  The query letter thing has always been a bit of a block for me.  I've tried to be witty, I've tried to be businesslike, I've tried to be professional, I've tried to be persuasive, but no matter what I've tried I can't seem to get published.  I have had some very positive feedback from the different people that have read my work, even getting to the final phase of reading when it's voted on as to whether or not it should be published....but it was a no.  I want to be able to support myself with my writing, but it's never going to happen as long as I keep dragging my feet and daydreaming that I'll stumble into a VP at a big publishing house who sees my potential and wit as the next big thing in publishing and signs me on the spot.  And I'm not completely deluded into thinking that I can actually make a great living as a published author.  In truth only a handful get the $1 million dollar advances for their work, which is why I became a phlebotomist, but it's good to have goals.

So, I wrote the query letter for WiDo last week, or it could even be the week before, I forget.  My brain has been swimming in it's own miasma lately, so memory is kind of obscured in the fog.  I took the approach of answering the points they wanted me to cover. Information about myself and my writing, I gave them the "elevator" pitch for the book, and then my activity in social networking and how I would use it to help them market my work.  (Yes, dear reader, you will be updated step-by-important-step of the process when it is accepted for publication.  And more than likely you will be the fifth group of people I notify of my glorious news).  Each section is headed and then a paragraph or two would be under it for ease of reading.  I'd post it here, the query letter, if I thought it would give me an edge, but I think I just need to print it, edit it and then paste it into an e-mail with my first three chapters and send it off.  Why is it that something that looks so simple on paper feel like moving a fifty ton boulder up an 180 degree hill? 

The funny thing is, it's not like I've had a hundred or so "No's" for this project, it's actually been less than 10.  Most people get that done and over with and take on even more before breakfast and don't let something as simple as a little word stop them from their dreams becoming a reality.  Maybe that's the true fear for me....my dreams becoming a reality.  Not to sound morose or anything, but there is a little hermit inside my head that believes as soon as your accomplish everything you've wanted  to accomplish, you die.  He's not very popular with the cool kids in my head, hence the hermit status.  I won't die, I know that because I am always setting goals, always setting the bar higher and always wanting more, which is just human nature as we all know it.  So, Hermit be gone, I'm sending it out on Friday so they can print it up and take it home for the weekend!  Wish me luck!

Faster than a Breaking Heart

Well, I've heard back from Maple Tree's appropriate imprint called Trumpet Media.  They are currently not taking on new manuscripts.  Which is something I wasn't able to glean from their website.  I get that there are a lot of unpub'd out there wanting to find that one kind and generous publisher that will take on the adventure of a new author.  I get that, really.  What I don't get is why they are willing to get unpub's hearts and hopes up because they don't post it on their website instead of sending out a curt "We're not taking submissions at this time" e-mails and making them waste time filling in their forms instead of letting me send a querry letter.  So, now that my head has stopped spinning, stitch things back together and find another publisher to send my work to.  Chocolate would be so good right now. {{sigh}}

I Done Did It Again

So, I planned to send my Soul Searching: House of Dragons to Walnut Springs Press yesterday, in honor of my "anniversary". Yea, I know I said I'd do it last week, but the way my chronometer works, then is now, so I'm on schedule. As I was trying to find the newest copy of my novel I realized that leathertreepress.com is where I sent it last June....essentially I already sent it to them, never heard back. Now that we're 'friends' on Facebook, I'll have to poke them and ask them why.

What shocked me the most was how familiar it was to fill out the submissions page for Maple Tree Publishing Company. I'm pretty sure I filled it out once before but abandoned it for some reason or another. Hopefully I'm not being redundant by sending it twice.

I'm wondering though if by sending it to Maple Tree, which is the umbrella publishing arm of four imprints if that means I've met my New Years Resolution of sending House of Dragons off to four different publishers in the year 2011? There's the lazy writer in me that says "Yes!!!" so I don't have to hold my breath for four different "Thanks, but no thanks." or if I just need to pull up my big-girl writing pants and suck-it-up and find another imprint to submit to.

Mammon Mammon Everywhere But Not A Thought To Think

Okay, strange title I know. I'm in a strange kind of mood. I'm observing Lent for the first time ever. Parts of it, I'm regretting, like the exercise part, but I'm enjoying the 30 minutes of reading every day for pleasure. So, not the books I should be reading for school, not the books I should be reading for Church, not the books I should be reading when I exercise, a pleasure book. So I chose Paradise Lost by John Milton.

I know, you're thinking, what kind of pleasure reading is that? Patrick wasn't very helpful, he told me the ending....The Devil did it. Well duh. I'm not that dumb to not know that. I was however caught off guard in regards to Mammon. I always equated Mammon with Manna from heaven. Which is why the verse in Luke confused me...you can't serve God and Mammon. If you substitute manna with Mammon, you'd think like I do that you're turning your back on the physical gifts from God to serve Him. But serving him, even if it meant ignoring the blessings from Him was the path we were to take, so the path was correct, the intention behind it not as clear. So, it didn't make sense, turn your back on the blessings of Heavenly Father to serve Him in which you will gain more blessings to ignore. (The title should start making more sense to you now, hopefully).

Today I read....

"Mammon, the least erected Spirits that fell

From Heaven; for even in Heaven his looks and thoughts

Were always downward bent, admiring more

The riches of heaven's pavement, trodden gold,

Than aught divine or holy else enjoyed

In vision beautific"

Mammon isn't bread that falls in fluffy clumps from heaven but a demon, or a really ungrateful Spirit. But how often I find myself looking at the ground (figuratively) completely engrossed in the things that I don't have. I don't have a lot of money, I have too many things (but in my defence they all fit in my garage now). No, I don't have the shiny brand name uber-expensive cars, I wear my clothes until I pinch every last bit of value out of them, and I don't always have the rent in one place when I need it. But I am so blessed. Unlike Mammon I look up, I walk confidently towards my blessings and trials because by looking up I have my Father and His Son to guide me. To be hunched over, or downward bent, is to welcome more weight onto your shoulders and honestly, who wants to serve THAT? Not I. But it is EVERYWHERE you look. I'm not saying I don't have the odd flash of "Gee, I wish I could buy a new car." "Golly, I wish I could go out to eat at fancy bistros and restaurants," Or "Jimminee, why can't I win the lottery like those rednecks, I'd use it for good, I promise,". More often then not they are just fleeting thoughts and I move on.

Something else I know to be true is who you serve in the name of Heaven you become more heavenly and when you serve Mammon, you become more hunched, more downward bent, more hyper-focused on the pavement that you become trapped in Mammon's snare. When you look up, when you see the infinity that is the sky and space beyond, you see that nothing is impossible, nothing is more limitless than serving. So, yes you end up focused on the manna from Heaven when you learn to stop looking for pennies on the ground to appease Mammon.

Hope in Hell

Our purer essence then will overcome

Thir noxious vapour, or enur'd not feel,

Or chang'd at length, and to the place conformd

In temper and in nature, will receive

Familiar the fierce heat, and void of pain;

This horror will grow milde, this darkness light,

Besides what hope the never-ending flight

Of future days may bring, what chance, what change

Worth waiting, since our present lot appeers

For happy though but ill, for ill not worst,

If we procure not to our selves more woe.

John Milton

Paradise Lost