I'm calmer today, so far. That's saying it's calmer because Sammy and I are the only two up, so that makes things a little better. I hope to keep getting up at the earlier hours so I can start getting all my work done before Mom gets up so I don't have to work around her.I'm still wanting to just be alone. To be completely cut off from the world and the people who annoy the crap out of me. I want to fall head first into the narcissistic vein in my soul and revel in it like some of my family. Yet, I've struggled so hard not to make my world start with "I" and then "Me" before "you" and "Us". I my goal is to become a world citizen, not just a drain on the world as a human. I may never, ever make that big of a ripple in the wide ocean of need, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try.
What if, after the world turns for a new season in my life I find that the world pisses me off, I'll find a new cause, but for now, the idea is like a security blanket making me hopeful, and it makes me push forward so that someday I will be of use and not a waste to the world. Essentially I'm earning my wings now to someday land on the world stage.
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