The Thick and Thin of It

I've taken the first step into medically assisted  life-long change.  I'm thinking about the Lap Band surgery to aid in my losing weight and hopefully putting some of my endocrine issues to rest for good. My body has thrown up some good arguments to the contrary but I've decided to go onto the next step of the process and talk to my doctor about it.  Am I fluffy?  Yes.  Am I all fluff, no.  I've never really dealt with the idea that I'm overweight until I have to go shopping for clothes.  I try never to look at myself in a full length mirror because, well, they lie.  My image of myself has always been a brain with a mouth on legs.  I try not to think of myself as a physical being.  Kind of like Mr. Bunny over there....he's not just fluffy, but that's all people see.

I've lost a ton of weight once, almost 150lbs (I was like 1-3 lbs off) and it caused some bad wiring in my head and I lost myself, if at 22 anyone really has themselves.  I have me now, I know who I am, what I want to become and I am firmly facing the direction I want to go.  So now, do I want to carry with me just emotional baggage or a steamer trunk of bricks along for the ride?  There are cosmetic issues with the different surgeries I will have to deal with along the way if I do it, and I'll have to give up some wonderfully dangerous practices, I'm going to have to learn to eat three meals a day and exercise more than the average bear, okay more than the average sloth, but I'm starting to believe, the more I think and talk and write about it, that it might actually be worth it.  (sorry for the run-on sentence, you'd think I'd know better by now.)