Courage In The Quiet Moments

I've been calling myself a coward for being so, uhm, cowardly in sending my manuscript back out into the wide world for publication.  I know, I know, you will get hundreds of nos before you get that one yes.  You stop getting nos after that, it's just getting that one yes that is driving me bonkers.  I've been looking at a new possible publisher called WiDo.  I'm pronouncing it "We Do" in hopes that they do publish my manuscript.  I've been told by other publishers, in their "Thanks but no thanks" letters that it's a good story, but it doesn't mesh within their wheelhouse. It not like I've recieved a bunch of no's for my work, it's just the handful that I have had are so, I dunno, discouraging.  If I can't handle the single no from a publisher how am I going to handle it when I am published and even if the critics love it there's always one who hates what eveyone loves (you know who you are)  and he says that it's crap-on-a-stick and a tragic waste of trees to print it.  I can't be afraid of the little no, I need to straighten my weak knees, focus on the prize and stop looking at the no's behind me and start hunting for the yes to come.

I hate giving myself pep talks, they all seem a bit self-serving, don't you think?

I've Found Heaven On Earth.....Still Heart Institute

So, I'm cruising Skyline on my birthday as a mini-no-money kind of vacation and I passed the gates of the Still Heart Institute.  I passed it, like I did the other places I saw and was mildly interested in. Only the calm and peace spilling over like a gentle waterfall from the property made me stop, turn around and ascend up the driveway to the beautifully naturally manicured front of old Lodge.  The parking lot was empty save a few of their shuttle vans and it intrigued me.  Was I coming upon private property, like a country club?After parking I walked up, I saw the maintenance workers cleaning things in what looked like a dining area and maids working on a balcony.  The entrance was around a man-made waterfall, the laughing water splashing on the rocky bed.  Carved stones marked the path with a simple message, reminiscent of the Bermashave signs of old, "How far down the rabbit hole are you willing to go."  At this point I though it was a rehab center.  Luckily, I was soooo wrong. 

Still Heart is a non profit institute for learning.  Any kind of learning.  The have retreats, they have guests speakers, they have food demonstrations. Anyone willing to take on the responsibility of creating a retreat is able to.  I had no idea we had such a bounty hidden in the hills.   I wished I knew about it when I was doing silent auctions for Make-A-Wish(r).  I would have bid the crap out of this item.

I sought out the administration office and got more information.  With the pictures of Buddhist monks in a the lobby and the absolute peace you feel when you walk through he doors, hell, I wanted to see if I could move in.  My heart has been searching for a non-church place like this.  I've only ever felt it in the temple.  If you take away the sacred significance of the temple, this would be the gentile counterpart.

I met Joanne Brohmer and she was kind enough t take me on a tour of the facilities.  They have in in-door pool filled with saline.  What that means is you have a slightly salty warm pool of water to swim in.  The salt is a natural chlorine that doesn't kill everything it come into contact with.  Next to the pool was an alcove here he bubbly hot tub was.  There is a dry sauna and changing rooms.  Up the flight of stairs there was the great room, where you can sit and look at the original Chihuly sculptures floating above you.  There is a piano,  circle of pillows, a balcony and 180 degree view of the misty trees just outside the building.

Though the accommodations were elegantly appointed, nothing prepared me for the guestrooms!!  Goodness gracious were they unbelievable.  Okay, maybe not the bedroom area, but the bathroom.....it was unbelievable!  It had a stall shower, a commode and then a bathtub I want to live in....and I could live in it if I had to.  It's that huge.  It goes above and beyond what a soaking tub should be.  Being 5'9" tall and almost as wide, you can see why a large soaking tub would be so desirable. (I didn't think to snap a pictureor two with my camera....dumb bunny)

Joanne and I talked numbers.  If there isn't a group of people there staying, anyone can stay without having to have to live up to the mandate  of education.  The price, again a shocker, $150 per person.  Considering what you would pay for a B&B that didn't have half the amenities as Still Heart, it's a bargain.  You can bring you own food or patronize the local hangouts  Two reservation-only continental restaurants and Alice's Restaurant aren't that far from this little bit of heaven on earth.

Why am I going on like this you ask?  Well, like I said they are a non-profit and are trying to stay afloat in this hellish economy.  By the time I get my money saved, it might be gone.  So, I'm asking, nay begging, if you want a place for peace, if you need a place for a corporate off-site, you need to call Joanne and see what you can arrange.  To loose something this perfect would be a sad, sad waste.

Pot Gardening

Gartner in the orignial German means Gardener.  Like Adam and Eve were gardeners, or so I read in a book.  I was shocked to see my name in the German translation of a book on castles that I bought in Germany.  It said since the time of the original Gardeners (Gärtner).....  My father was a rancher/Farmer and could put in a backyard garden in his sleep.  My sister C has carried on that tradition and loves to do the whole vegetable garden.  My other sister S likes to do the flower garden thing and I do pot gardening.  Not that kind of pot, more like container gardening.  I've got some herbs going now...basil, thyme, orageno and chocolate pepermint.  I'm not doing an "organic" herbal garden per se, but I'm trying not to mix in the snail killing stuff along with the soil.  I'd love to invent a ring you fill will beer so it can be all organic and the snails die a happy death, but even with all the time in the world that I have now, I don't have the time.

The one thing that I really like about pot gardening in my backyard is the automatic sprinklers we have that keep the roses and the hydrangias and other plants (and weeds) going.  I thought it would be enough water to keep my little ones well nourished with water and I could just let them be on their own and flurish.  Boy, was I wrong.  I just came in from watering them because they were quite parched and then moving them to the side of the house with the hydrangias, because they just aren't getting enough water...plus it's been very hot the past few days.  So, low hydration and heat make some really crispy herb leaves.  I want to grow bushy plants before I start gathering them in.

So, hopefully, given time, my pots will be just as spactacular as C's veggies and S's flowers, because we are all Gardeners in our own way.  Mine is just a little more self contained, clean nail and callous free.

Death By Jello

Not a very dignified death if you ask me.  But it could have happened!  I was eating lime jellow with diced peaches sort of snarfling it in spoonful at a time and then inhaled.  And choked.  It didn't take much to clear it but during those chilling moments of the oh-no-I'm-choking panic I saw my tombstone: Died from Jello Inhalation.  What have I learned from this?  Jello can be a lethal weapon.

Choices Spawning Worlds

I'm all for science, don't get me wrong.  But how is it that scientists just have to put forth math (a dubious proof for me because I can't do math without a calculator, computer and some sort of anti-anxiety medication to figure things out) but religion has to put what they believe in a solid form.  I was watching Naked Science on the Nat Geo channel, they were discussing light and the theory of multiple worlds and the multi-universe.  Though these theories were very intriguing, they are just theories.  Which is why I guess the people that put them forth are called theoretical physicists. (doh) 

Choices can spawn complete different universes.  Think about that for a minute.  If everyone on the planet made a choice between paper or plastic at the same time that would create 7.2 billion new worlds just on that stupid choice, seems kind of, I dunno, as far fetched as there being a God in Heaven is to the atheists.  Again, I'm not saying science is wrong, just showing me numbers that somehow prove what they can't hand to me and prove seems just far fetched.  Now, if you want to say major choices, like marriage or no, children or no, gay or straight, believer or heathen, then I could grasp it.  I could see a "stupid choice' world could come into being, like the trash can on your desktop where all your stupid choices and irrelevant choices go to live (In fact there are days that make me feel like I'm living there now).  I know, logic denotes linear thinking, mine is more spacey-wacy and timey-wimey for science.  And I know I'm going to hear it from the atheists and heathens in my family for this opinion, but it's just; that mine and an opinion.

I know the universe is infinite, but so is God.  I know we can postulate about universes and traveling at the speed of light to our hearts content.  But if you look at it from a purely proof-driven point of view, if we have multi-universes, multi-worlds prove it.  Show it to me.  Without the proof it is no more than a heartfelt belief, not so different than ones belief in an omnipotent and benevolent Heavenly Father.  So, I put a challenge out there to the anti-God scientists out there: Prove it!

Turning To The Window

There is saying that when a door shuts, God opens a window.  I've spent far too much of my life mourning at the door closing and not turning towards the widnow.  I've been feeling the walls close in on my tighter and tighter as money evaporates before I get it. Just when I think I'm about to suffocate in the empty room a window opens and a rush of cool, fragrant breeze freshens the room and light tumbles into the dark confines.  I am truly blessed, truly loved.  I am so grateful for the celestial hands that hold me securely in His care.  I need to be more grateful for the the little things, the big things, and the things that I don't even realize are there until I get smacked up side the head to make me realize I am NEVER alone when the door shuts.

Tomorrow Is Always A Day Away

Little Orphan Annie sings that song in the play.  The thing of it is, it's always a day away.  It's never the now.  I have so many grand plans for the ever elusive tomorrow that I give myself on a pass for today.  I'll get up earlier tomorrow.  I'll get my room straightened out tomorrow.  I'll find a job tomorrow.  I'll train Sammy how to poop on command tomorrow.  I'll read a book tomorrow.  I'll get my laundry done tomorrow.  I'll shower tomorrow.  I'll take care of my blood sugar tomorrow.  I'll be happy tomorrow.  I'll be better tomorrow.  I won't be tomorrow.  Tomorrow always comes in that fleeting nanosecond between tick and tock before the chimes ring in the new day.  Then it's today, it's now, it's never.  But, there's always tomorrow.

Angels and Devils and I

If my devils were to leave me,

I am afraid my angels

will take flight as well.

- Rilke

*****

When I say "I" I mean

a thing absolutely unique,

not to be confused

with any other.

- Ugo Betti



Ding Dong Osama's Dead - A Phliosophical Dichotomy

Okay, first let me say it: I'm glad he's dead!  I'm a little ashamed of that though.  Before you start gnashing your teeth and start swearing at me for my lack of patriotism hear me out....

Just about ten years ago the twin towers fell.  Footage from around the world showed people celebrating the destruction and death of New York City. We were mourning and the world was happy we were finally taken down a peg.  I don't want to be one of them.  I don't want to celebrate death of a nation/group/person because I don't want to be so arrogant to think that other people are less human or more deserving of death than I do.  What makes me different from Osama in my beliefs that he's wrong.

Yet, Ding Dong Osama's dead!  May he rest in pieces.

Future Dreaming or Nightmare...You tell me...

So, in the dream Hollywood controlled the world, all movies are interactive, instead of eating food we ate the chemicals they are preserved in, AND there is a resistance group to keep some basic moral boundaries in the government.  So, nightmare or what?

Don't say reality, because the dream was scary enough.